What’s hotter than a bowl of warm champorado (sweet chocolate rice porridge) under a wet and drizzly weather? When women start talking!
I decided to write something new and special for my first article at this new home. This time, I want to welcome the thoughts of real women on what they want and need in a man as a follow-up from the recent “Pogi Summit”, which I had the privilege to co-host with a friend, beauty queen and 700 Club celebrity host Mrs. Miriam Quiambao-Roberto.
At the latter part of the event, Miriam and I were asked to sit at a sala set that they arranged on the stage. There, Miriam (who represented married women) shared her thoughts about what real women want while I (single women, represent yo!) read my piece “We Can See You” (Women Can See You, Men). This piece was first published at Pastor Dennis Sy’s website www.actlikeaman.org then at Mr. Ardy Roberto’s book “Real Men Are Pogi”.
The piece speaks about what we think about men, their usual problem in deciphering us, the solution, the request (to understand women and our value), practical tips and inputs (like gargling, etc.), mistakes of women, and a call for men to be bold and lead, and that WE CAN SEE THEM (not in a bizarre, stalker way).
When it was my time to talk, I felt some groaning… In my… Stomach. Yes, the groaning didn’t come from my heart, but from my stomach. I was already getting hungry and a bit sleepy that time but I needed to stay awake as I share my piece and the thoughts from other women.
Anyhow, my goal for this post is to share the thoughts that I got from REAL WOMEN. And when I say REAL, I meant EXISTING, BEAUTIFUL, AND EXCELLENT WOMEN. Women of quality and substance! And yes, they are real and they exist. This article is not meant to overwhelm or scare the male species; the goal is to ENCOURAGE AND UPLIFT MEN around us.
So, if you’re A MAN (A Real Man), looking for a Real Woman, then you’re at the right place! And woman, it’s time to understand what you want and need.
I asked REAL WOMEN in their early 20’s to late 40’s to share the TOP three things that they want and need from MEN (mate/partner) for singles and the TOP three things that married women appreciate about their husbands.
I had a great time reading their list and learning from them. I know some (or most) of them even struggled to cut their list short. I had a challenging time summarizing their thoughts but I hope this list makes the point.
(Early 20’s to mid 40’s)
What do I want and need in a mate/partner?
1. A MAN WITH A STRONG SENSE OF SPIRITUALITY
When I say spirituality, this is not about being mystical or weird, or the guy should be a priest, monk, imam, or a pastor. Nope!
We are talking about a man who has a STRONG and REAL relationship with God/ Jesus. And he’s neither afraid nor ashamed of it. This relationship shows in his walk and how he deals with life and the people around him.
His characteristics include:
Faithfulness, patience, trustworthiness, a man of good moral values and principles, graciousness
“He hears directions from God for me, his life, career… “
2. A GOOD LEADER
A good leader is humble and teachable. He respects and celebrates other people. Because of this, he is someone respectable too.
His other characteristics include:
Goal-oriented, achiever, intelligent, makes wise decisions
3. A MAN OF INTEGRITY
This characteristic is connected to good leadership.
Are you reliable? Consistent? Trustworthy? Do you say what you mean and mean what you say, and do what you say you will do?
4. A LOVING AND COMPASSIONATE PARTNER
A good and compassionate partner doesn’t just love his mate or the people close to him. He also genuinely loves others. He is loving and tolerant. He is sensitive to other people’s needs. He is family oriented. He loves his family, his mate and the people she loves.
He is her mate’s best friend! He is loyal, honest and clear. They support each other’s passion. They can laugh and cry together and just have fun.
“He celebrates my personal growth and listens/ takes interest in the things that are important to me.”
“He desires to make me (his partner) the best version of myself.”
5. A MAN OF VISION AND ACTION
This kind of man has big dreams more than just providing for himself and his future family. He has a desire to make a difference in the world. This man is proactive and he seeks for means to be able to work and provide. He has a vision and he knows and is sure of his purpose.
“He has big dreams more than just providing for his own family and has a desire to make a difference in the world.”
(Married for a year to 20+ years in their early 20’s to late 40’s)
What do you appreciate most about your husband?
1. HE IS HER SPIRITUAL PARTNER
He doesn’t just have a strong and genuine relationship with God/Jesus but he is also her spiritual partner. He is selfless and a godly man with good moral character. He encourages her, prays for her, and supports her especially whenever she is down and discouraged. He fights the battles with her.
“He is selfless and puts my needs above his.”
2. HER MATCH, BEST FRIEND AND LOVER
He is her match in all levels, and they are aligned even in how they raise their kids. He is her travel, movie, eating buddy, and her best friend! They share their passions and they support each other’s dreams. He always sees the best in her and in others.
“He’s physically fit. A great kisser and lover!”
3. HE’S A GREAT LEADER AND PROVIDER
He makes a difference in their family and in the world. He allows her to grow as a person. He is responsible, hardworking and diligent. He is a good provider. He has a vision to help others and he loves people.
“He makes me and our children his priority above other activities, hobbies, work, or ministry.”
4. HE’S A GOOD HOUSEMATE
A good housemate is also about good partnership at home and even in menial things like household chores. He is considerate and he initiates to help. He makes living with her fun and enjoyable.
“He helps with chores and enjoys it.”
5. HE’S LOVING AND FAMILY ORIENTED
She loves how he treats his family, her family, and others. She also likes how he treats his mom well. He is loving, gracious, and kind.
❧ ❤ ❧
What do you think of this list? This is just a summary of what I heard and learned from real single and married women. (Thanks for sharing your thoughts.)
A MESSAGE TO YOU
Married women, I salute you and your husbands. May your marriages continually be blessed! I see more men and women bringing out the best in each other and their homes. May you raise a generation of children who loves deeply and genuinely!
Single women, hello! I feel you in your waiting and the (sometimes) annoyance from monotonous statements that we usually get from people. Don’t be discouraged, our time will come.
For now, let’s solve the usual monotonous statements that we get, shall we?
You’re still single because….
“YOUR STANDARDS ARE VERY HIGH!”
Response: If we have a particular standard at work and in different industries, why not have the RIGHT standard in an aspect that involves our personal life and future? It’s not about having a HIGH and UNBELIEVABLE standard, but it’s about HAVING THE RIGHT STANDARD. Standards are there to guide us. It serves for us to get better results to whatever activity or purpose we are involving ourselves in. Where to get the right and best standard for a lifetime partner? Read your Bible.
“YOU’RE TOO CHOOSY/PICKY!”
Response: Excuse me? Why not?
If you choose restaurants whenever you dine out according to your liking or taste, and pick the right clothes that will fit your style and need, why not choose and pick a man who suits you best (your character, moral values, personality, passion, vision/purpose, et al)?
Not all people like tokneneng (waffle egg), balut, or chicken feet. And not all people appreciate escargot, truffles, brie, or caviar. So why push people to like something that they’re not fond of? Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate advises and I also try to “expand my horizon and territories” but you can NEVER dictate LOVE.
So single women (and men), don’t we need to be choosy and to pick what’s wisest for us when it comes to lifetime partnership and marriage? (This is only applicable to those who no longer play games.)
It’s not about having high standards, being too choosy or picky, but it’s about making the RIGHT and WISE decisions. (I’m not angry, I’m just passionate. Lol)
This article is for both men and women to live their best. And women, this is for us to check our list too. Let’s ask ourselves, “Do I complement the man who I want/need?”
Let’s work on being the best version of ourselves, whether single or married. And let’s bring out the best in each other. That’s what God wants for us above anything else, to LOVE. (To love Him, ourselves and others). And when we learn how to LOVE we also learn to value the other person. When we learn to value them then we can be better partners as well.
Women, what do you think about this article? Do you want to add anything else?
And SINGLE MEN, I also want to hear what you think.
What do you want/ need from a woman?
What do you appreciate most about your wife?
UPDATE: Get the answers on what REAL MEN want and need here.
Appreciate your thoughts. Spread some love.